are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
