I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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