I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
