if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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