Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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