I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
