So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
