Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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