He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
My ass is underappreciated
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
