If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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