he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
