i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
