I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
