Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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