he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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