so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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