She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I AM VODKA MAN
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
