I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
