I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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