He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
