Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm like, not good at living.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
