Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
