I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
