you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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