just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
