That's intense
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
