I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
