Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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