hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he was CRYING into my vagina
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
