guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
