i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
