Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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