I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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