Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
