D3 body, D1 cock
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
