Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Farmville is her only friend.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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