I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
