i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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