But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize