i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
