Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
