conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
