I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize