Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize