Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
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