Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
