My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
