i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
