Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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