i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
