i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
