Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I am puke
the condom got lost in my hair
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I love you.
Bad choice
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
