I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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