Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
