there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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