New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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