Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
