I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
