I just cut my nipple shaving
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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