Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
