Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
