I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
