Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
