remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize