I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
