i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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