remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I need a beard to bite.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize