I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
